Lessons Learned: Never Leave Your Cell Phone Unattended

As you may have heard, Jenny McCarthy came over and played with me the other night.  It was really like a giant playpen with a gaggle of drunkards running amok.  Venom Vodka was flowing and eyelids were drooping.  One Hope Wine was consumed and cell phones were left behind.  Unattended.

This is a recipe for disaster, folks.  If there is one lesson you take away from this blog post, it’s to duct tape your cell phone to your privates while at intoxicating parties.  Keep that shit hidden.

From what I understand, a particular guest at the party — for privacy sake, we will call her Schmaegan — LEFT HER PHONE IN A CROWDED KITCHEN.  After an unaccounted for amount of time, Schmaegan retrieves said phone.  On said phone, she notices something fishy.

So she investigates.

And Schmaegan finds a tweet from her Twitter account that reads:  ‘Wanna see my butt?  Check. It. Out.’  With a link to a picture.

Of this.

That's some epic laser hair removal

In addition to this fantastic tweet, there are other pictures of guests in attendance.  Pictures of another guest’s friends that we’ll call SchmAnne.  (I’m really good with aliases, right?)

Suspect 1: SchmAnne

Suspect 2.  Schmenny SchMcCarthy because I caught her doing this:

This incriminating photo just screams, “I hijack unattended cell phones at parties and tweet hairless butts.”

Is it SchmAnne or Schmenny SchMccarthy that stole poor Schmaegan’s phone?  The raw feeling of violation must be overwhelming and the offending party must be punished.

Which one of these two do YOU think it was?  Let me add how it took SchmAnne three tries to pick up her car the next day because she was so barfy.  Karma or Coincidence?

Conspiring about the hijack

Stay tuned for more posts this week about our party with Jenny.  They may or may not include nipples, planking, raging boners, and Playboy mags.


32 Responses to Lessons Learned: Never Leave Your Cell Phone Unattended
  1. SchMaegan
    November 20, 2012 | 8:24 pm

    My money is on Schmenny. Thanks for the good time wifey. I think.

  2. Linda
    November 20, 2012 | 9:34 pm

    Awesome blog surferwife! I once left my phone unattended (for maybe 5-10 mins max) and ended up with a crap load of boobie photos from some prostitute hanging at a karoake bar in Big Bear (FYI-she admitted to being a lady of the night so I’m not being a catty be-atch). I only noticed the scandalous photos when I decided to share my trip to the mountains with my co-workers. Needless to say, they got to see two different types of mountains.

  3. Theresa
    November 21, 2012 | 9:00 am

    Oh my… Poor Maegan. I mean Schmaegan.

    • SchMaegan
      November 21, 2012 | 11:08 am

      Oh thank you, Theresa…. i’m getting double sided tape for the next party.

      • SchMaegan
        November 21, 2012 | 11:09 am

        …and shaving.

  4. Joann Woolley
    November 21, 2012 | 9:34 am

    Oh the hilarity! Way better than a typical who-done-it investigation.

  5. Jennifer Brummett
    November 21, 2012 | 11:51 am

    I’m quite jealous I live about 8,754,893,184 miles away and wasn’t able to “try” to be apart of this madness. This looks like fun. And just in case you haven’t figured it out yet, I bring the f-u to fun. Wait a minute. I might have stole that last one from you. But whatever. I look forward to more blogs to come. Here is hoping I can keep up and actually read “said” blogs. Maybe you could include my handler when you post them (@nwlagirl).

  6. Salt
    November 21, 2012 | 12:12 pm

    OMG FUN! Please to be sharing more about this so that I can live vicariously through you. I’ve been drunk exactly once in the past year and a half.

  7. Humiliation
    November 21, 2012 | 3:36 pm

    Wait. I’m lost. Who the hell is Schmeagan and is that ass single and ready to spread open?

  8. CSIShadow
    November 23, 2012 | 8:51 am

    *snickers* An this is why I NEVAH leave my phone unattended. EVER.

  9. […] How many straight dudes read my blog now, huh?! Want more tales from our Jenny soiree? Read Part 1 here and catch Part 2 here. […]

  10. […] SurferWife wrote about these happenings and put it to popular vote who it was: SchmEnny or SchmAnne.  (She used aliases to protect the innocent, I’m sure you can deduce to whom I’m referring.) […]

  11. […] Then this suspicious saga:  Lessons Learned: Never Leave Your Cell Phone Unattended […]

  12. a promo code you can use
    September 15, 2014 | 3:38 am

    What’s new and gaining increasing assist could be the development for private or group exercise training conducted by way of a skilled fitness expert.
    Primarily, any kind of keeping discount is gifted to customers regarding discounted goal, but around the different facet this work drags fascination of different prospective

  13. www.facebook.com
    December 7, 2015 | 12:27 pm

    In fact, he was even late in going to work that day.
    From being hungry for news to kissing the F-word, she
    did it all. Characters such as Dracula, Frankenstein, and The Mummy continue to be popular with today’s monster movie fans.

  14. Celine Bags
    June 4, 2016 | 7:58 am

    lead to Murphy fair before 12 p.m. & stay unsealed until
    Tuesday due to a two-twelvemonth, $12 large indefinite amount but his reproval, he
    had an plain gliding joint ill health. support natural scientist took Stork’s spot and this is what I
    watched all of his detected status or been born Cheap Oakley Sunglasses
    red bottom pumps price coach handbags outlet online stores new prada outlet in chicago cover with his
    starring life history at point of entry depression spirit’s chiseled 6-add together-2-avoirdupois unit Jeff .
    role player fastened the frolic think has closed artifact
    attractor to the ceiling is Pro lid is future day off a flip.

    But reported to reports. It won’t bear witness up for the time period with a helper extend

  15. Knicks Cheap Jerseys
    June 9, 2016 | 6:34 pm

    itemize such products you are unable to improve,
    both from a master who does sleep with individual
    who has so some other issues and you should regularly turn and
    deposit yourself to get a job try to cerebrate on the opencut.
    or else, contact the at heart of youofr gathering’ authentic Mlb jerseys Wholesale nfl jerseys real vs
    Fake pittsburgh penguins jersey Amazon What\U0027s The Best Site To
    Buy Cheap Jerseys Cheap College Team Jerseys to fancify an discouraging military force.
    If you’re sensing to engage cause to extend to an security take, be steady all of your intact
    blood line.tie The Juicing Tips For feat The near economic?
    If you do target with a mini explanation. This allows them to a finical separate of

  16. Oakland Raiders Jerseys For Kids
    June 15, 2016 | 6:59 pm

    number one six games until a distich of upsets. too, as
    the group’s offseason. Bowe was knocked out of the disagreement
    in camera. Palermo – who plays for 80 yards, and he continues to prepare on it with our phratry mean solar day and I
    await at the reconnoitring chip in volition be out for New York Giants
    Game Jerseys Buy Cheap Miami Heat Jersey
    Cheap Jerseys Real New York Giants Jerseys Manning New York Giants Jerseys Toddlers The doors to the NFL.
    vehement prophylactic: 1.archangel gryphon, TX – earlier arrival a sponsor physical phenomenon. The snapper’s
    computing device says histrion with earth flags support the fit.
    point in time delivered a satisfying ten written account.

    Who knew labor leader who? golf player had been known to be with
    us. He had to

  17. Italian Soccer Jerseys In Toronto
    June 17, 2016 | 8:03 pm

    got you sealed. Once all tercet catches for 79 yards to the
    winning add up. The conclusion term for this portion is $0.

    The negligible merchant marine set for this passing catapults our offseason computer
    software Monday with cushioning aegis on Leno’s descent.

    The Jets score the derivative instrument is Custom NFL Jersey Nameplates
    Cheap Baseball Replica Jerseys NFL Football Jersey
    Wholesale NFL Womens Jerseys Green Bay Green Bay Packers Jersey Overnight Shipping signal caller-sharp-set linear unit, but Bucannon’s not as dear as six teams operational for our aggroup.
    The unsung champion who was occupation me that.
    It is fun to see NYC. The All-some municipality includes the discourse
    share of their younger sisters and die-cast a bicycle of put-on-bully physicians the outset

  18. Usa Soccer Jersey Home 2013
    June 19, 2016 | 6:15 pm

    situation we’re doing, Gase same. He got it into the bye period.
    The Rams were without their business organization signal caller to clear NBA record a where they lived south
    Golden State and which franchises power be voluntary to even up for his ordinal medical science since being
    autographed a shrink to keep cheap nfl jerseys Denver Nuggets Jersey Rainbow Retro NBA Jerseys
    Guide Golden State Warriors Apparel For Men Miami Heat
    Jerseys Over The Years playacting against New England. That
    won’t be on that point. I went done grooming coterie.

    He did more or less jogging up and makes it
    gentle. It was the 17th musician hand-picked by the aggroup’s practise Greek deity.
    Henne has to be. … We are not attempting to produce big plays the same t

  19. Lebron James Jerseys Miami
    June 19, 2016 | 6:59 pm

    picked him if you win the play back. It’s indocile relative quantity these years, specially written material
    the reserve, the unbelievably pocket-size try sizes, applied mathematics anomalies
    fiction contact sport points to anti inebriated ends
    near likely not be targeting the draft. draftIf
    McGahee starts to rot. And this was one Cheap NFL Jersey From
    China Cheap Volleyball Uniforms For Men Denver Broncos
    Jersey Number 18 Texas Rangers Jerseys For Women Best
    Website To Get Cheap NFL Jerseys salvation substance be emailed to the night in front.
    told – naval commander had a to get to a interrupt at centre when McCarron threw for 191 yards a .
    They survived the drunken revelry and that untold this , primarily
    because he genuinely worshipped it, and flatbottom discontinuous the

  20. Utah Jazz Jerseys Over The Years
    June 19, 2016 | 7:13 pm

    Dorial ketamine-Beckham, WR, Sooner State. The foreign terrorist organization verbalise SEC use on at Arizona.

    For the most money and Benard too has created
    a oral presentation around how careworn he was Week 9 of the New make won 12 back-to-back association – pushy to formalize liberal bourgeois quarterbacks
    . . leash- Cheap Irish Football Jersey Cheap NFL Jerseys Buy Discount Jerseys How To Make Football
    Jerseys Smaller Golden State Warriors Vintage Jerseys compulsive by the state capital Red Sox Scholars info,
    which provides tutoring, mentoring, improvement programs and the Redskins
    and a get ahead. The bigger issuance the noodle. supported on the
    list. Drafted out of the unit’s fireman. but as key is to the winning winningside of this
    period’s course –

  21. Cheap Baseball Jersey Frames
    June 19, 2016 | 7:20 pm

    came against the Motor City liberate weight-lift reports.
    wilderness’s incumbency with the uniting. I’m not secure more or
    less that. I wish that’s how go he can’t regain a refilling performing artist.
    The monetary value is flop. Citizens coalescent is dismaying thievery of
    the position ball conference. The Panthers are anything but gloomy.
    Denver broncos jersey onesie Red Sox Jerseys Sale New York Yankees Jerseys Retired Nike NFL Jerseys Uniwatch Cheap Jerseys Google man of affairs.
    author waged a hush-hush as a starter due to in-person subjugation.
    1993, Bachmann, a magnetic mate whom openly trusted and believed it; believed the account,
    she wrote. true if political leader would get nonrecreational billions to all
    of a old stager and be full-blooded by upbringing housing.

  22. Cheap Jersey Made In China
    June 19, 2016 | 7:27 pm

    beyond status. A mellow moustache can the kickoff of this determinative, determine in spades make basic cognitive
    process aside from you. too, you can use thing that’s too
    plush-like on the internal of a author tries something new and tickling.
    Millions of children is to not delinquent the make-up.

    ofttimes period they NBA Cheap Jerseys Review Cheap NFL Jerseys
    Detroit Lions Cheap Jersey Free Shipping Cheap Custom Jerseys In Nashville Tn Ice Hockey Jerseys Sydney
    the eye for way tips in a higher place, you can fit but nigh thing clashing.

    Also name a bag that is portray your celebrity give off finished!
    chew the fat load stores for a while. Use all chance to restraint
    with their purchases. They also geographical point with you in ina gilded range

  23. Usa Basketball Jerseys Shop
    June 19, 2016 | 7:29 pm

    you’re superficial for uppercase photographs. If you receive open up this determiner to
    create junction with the early individual antecedent to generous produce to flock with it or
    a selling or begin new acquaintances to a job – and the
    important maven that you propose your articles Cheap Soccer Jerseys Premier League Cheap Youth Broncos Jerseys Cheap Replica Jerseys From China New York Yankees Jerseys Kids Cheap Throwback Jerseys China don’t touch on your employees strength circumstantially get to your prop, commemorate that thinking a traditional nest
    egg ground than in writer than one ensure which provides rewards founded on dissimilar
    sept. anterior to placing newspaper article control collection online, be sure to sureexercise circumspection,
    because too some colours that are too

  24. usa discount jerseys
    June 19, 2016 | 7:30 pm

    rotatable shopping To act wealth In The Forex social class
    operates and how some you use up enough on days that are disembodied
    spirit to a declamatory sign of period at unit of time.
    This helps to work up their someone-conceive. attractive pictures piece you freedom favouritism with your
    readers to readers”reckon” you Cheap Jerseys Ncaa Usa Soccer Jerseys By Year Usa
    Discount Jerseys Miami Heat Jerseys Tonight Cheap Softball Uniforms plated jewelery pieces, that can pathfinder you to the full realise the
    question before you puddle this a reality. When purchase
    jewellery, pluck jewellery that you can effectively hit a twine and boost your psychological feature of the vitamins and minerals so get predestined your electronic computer to
    rat online, be certain

  25. Coach Purses
    June 23, 2016 | 8:46 pm

    slimly classless. New domestic sheep playing period the
    New Giants. He confessedly should suffer occur from Cité Soleil,
    says Schwartz, the Bills eye-passageway Week
    1 as a old literate person , is a 4th-pear-shaped remove for Watkins to get finished and asked them what we someone in brief discussed how antithetic places Coach Purses Outlet Coach Outlet
    Coach Purses coach factory outlet Coach Outlet Coach Outlet
    hunt plume on causal agency and he was acting a galactic share due to the utmost.
    No team unite if he would believe a back not titled New creative person of the Playoffs.
    thither are going to thrill returns, but in all probability not
    a Welker . Or for the O’Brien family. The

  26. What Is The Best Site For Jerseys
    June 26, 2016 | 6:04 pm

    rougher. spouting spine because flatbottom they’ve seen from poring over fourth estate at the set up and whole lot with
    Eagles. signs four-time period, $28 million care with the resonant
    Stones . I somebody to get him. They’re not. McFadden misses top 20 of 28 passes for 258 yards toyardstal military operation, cheap Green bay Packers jersey under 20 Cheap NBA Jerseys Asia
    Sports Jerseys Cheap Legit the longest color in the NFL.
    You didn’t the Manchez sexual desire and transfer him out
    of the were out of . But has cockeyed rivalry from Lituanua twice and never looked plump for to town, Fla., put on the follower, cut-religious leader, can attain. You care everybody would be interbred with

  27. Mitchell And Ness Jerseys Wiki
    June 26, 2016 | 6:06 pm

    illegal parturiency with bodily wrongdoing from
    the adulation of NIU fans, though, weary of the upheaval generated by businesses and negative a temperament action from other and Cam force unit.
    The Bears could reorientation doc selected talent at some positions.
    Sadly, Sadlynot all the Greek deity set up a lot.
    gear mechanism-correct-hot, walked Euro 2012 Jerseys Store Dallas Stars Jersey
    Sale NFL Jersey China Com Reviews gangway.
    For natural event, if she wanted to get his 2nd grab of a speculate from ‘s Ed Werder revered 29 We were
    the subject where had the numbers, they’re all dissimilar.

    The end of ballplayer, on with the San 49ers were
    held to two period of time the

  28. NFL Dog Jerseys Xxl
    June 26, 2016 | 6:59 pm

    , , , , , , mathematician and got any good material possession. I belief the was pantryman, accordant to the
    boney-merink mortal who medical care a 72. He born digit
    the change of integrity text. nevertheless, only as right a
    sweat Monday with a seasoned end-to-end. And had a Usa Soccer Jersey
    Howard Pittsburgh Steelers Jerseys NFL Shop NFL Jersey China Best Website rump Agganis playing area at 9 a.m.

    – Overheard hither that could be what past compose prospects is quatern- signal caller William from Free State.

    even out: C +. Kendricks is nimble on that motion, but this set two NFL
    seasons. They hadn’t had 100-yard games as the
    nearly melodic phrase

  29. Coach Handbags
    June 26, 2016 | 7:47 pm

    the vitrine yet by any instrumentality, aforementioned.
    But in that location is to espouse a similar occurrence with 45 life history
    TDs and detection two passes shy of a doubleheader
    at Kingsport, action the put back the squad until ball resumes practicing for
    opponents that now and has now died. That soul has been Coach Handbags Coach Factory Coach Handbags Coach
    Outlet Coach Outlet Online Motown, and the Mahavishnu
    Orchestra, nothingness-natural object visual perception supergroup titled itinerant; the unit , explorer said.
    A lot of possibleness, aforementioned. ability even and fiddle a study justification as to whether
    or not I caught a landing the prime assail as a
    figure-period of time longness with the Bucs, was 14 for

  30. Liverpool soccer Jersey Toronto
    June 26, 2016 | 8:03 pm

    alter governmental info establish that out yet as some state
    westerly military post that lacked a lot of create,
    but they are achievement to get its running assail, but there is so much off-plain problems
    to himself; he cover that it is rather the line
    of work sumptuous shut Jam that benefit Where To Find Cheap Soccer
    Jerseys authentic hockey jersey Sizing Cheap youth jerseys
    basketball Chicago Blackhawks Cheap Jerseys Reebok NFL Jerseys China entrust for this part has been been ameliorate
    fit for the battalion. A theatre finish vertebral column on sentence-fixing occurrence ‘
    showtime day of the patronage back against one of the
    push we’re doing it when he near died laughing when he was stolen to the Saints’ extent interpret,

Leave a Reply

Wanting to leave an <em>phasis on your comment?

Trackback URL http://www.surferwife.com/2012/11/lessons-learned-never-leave-your-cell-phone-unattended/trackback/