As you may have heard, Jenny McCarthy came over and played with me the other night. It was really like a giant playpen with a gaggle of drunkards running amok. Venom Vodka was flowing and eyelids were drooping. One Hope Wine was consumed and cell phones were left behind. Unattended.
This is a recipe for disaster, folks. If there is one lesson you take away from this blog post, it’s to duct tape your cell phone to your privates while at intoxicating parties. Keep that shit hidden.
From what I understand, a particular guest at the party — for privacy sake, we will call her Schmaegan — LEFT HER PHONE IN A CROWDED KITCHEN. After an unaccounted for amount of time, Schmaegan retrieves said phone. On said phone, she notices something fishy.
So she investigates.
And Schmaegan finds a tweet from her Twitter account that reads: ‘Wanna see my butt? Check. It. Out.’ With a link to a picture.
In addition to this fantastic tweet, there are other pictures of guests in attendance. Pictures of another guest’s friends that we’ll call SchmAnne. (I’m really good with aliases, right?)
Suspect 1: SchmAnne
Suspect 2. Schmenny SchMcCarthy because I caught her doing this:
This incriminating photo just screams, “I hijack unattended cell phones at parties and tweet hairless butts.”
Which one of these two do YOU think it was? Let me add how it took SchmAnne three tries to pick up her car the next day because she was so barfy. Karma or Coincidence?
Stay tuned for more posts this week about our party with Jenny. They may or may not include nipples, planking, raging boners, and Playboy mags.