Life As I Blow It by Sarah Colonna — Signed Copy Giveaway

Listen up you greedy, little comedy hookers.  I have a special treat for you this week.  Sarah Colonna has offered up an autographed copy of Life As I Blow It to one of you SurferWife readers. But this isn’t going to be any old giveaway, folks.  This will be a quick 2 day giveaway ending on Thursday 2/23/2012 at 3pm PST, with the winner announced that evening.  You will NOT be given bonus entries and you are not required to follow, tweet or like anything.

You ARE required to be funny.  For your chance to win Life As I Blow It, you must leave a comment on this blog post telling Sarah and me why you deserve this autographed copy of her book.  Here’s where shit’s gonna hit the fan for you… You have to be funny.  You have to be witty.  You probably want to take a moment, gather yourself and then bring what you got for her in the comments.

Let’s not forget this is a NY Times best selling author famous for being hilarious, right?  This is whom you’re trying to make laugh.  No pressure or anything.  Remember, I will be assisting her decision and I accept all monetary bribes.

Now go.  You don’t have much time to leave your comment convincing her why you need her book.  And don’t be stupid.  Be funny.  I know you have a sense of humor or you wouldn’t be reading this right now.  I have faith in my readers–make your friendly, neighborhood SurferWife proud.

 

Life As I Blow It

44 Responses to Life As I Blow It by Sarah Colonna — Signed Copy Giveaway
  1. laureen - The Momccupation
    February 21, 2012 | 1:13 pm

    A funny comment, What, Now I actually have to think?? I need something funny and crazy to read I am a mom of 3 boys, please help me. I think my funny has been drained by all the piss I cleaned up off the floor… not the in the toilet and all the little monsters. Gimme something good to read :)

  2. MiMi
    February 21, 2012 | 1:20 pm

    Well, shit.
    I’ll have to think on it.

  3. Stephanie Nuss
    February 21, 2012 | 1:52 pm

    I need this book to reaffirm to my mother that I’m not the only woman in the world that is blowing life and getting away with. I’m her only daughter and she’s been rolling her eyes at me since they cut me out of her. I like to think that her eye rolls are summersaults of love but God knows that isn’t true. I love her to death, but Sarah Colonna’s book would help her realize that there are women out there living the life she never got to and she doesn’t need to be rolling her eyes at us because she took fertility pills, had triplet boys and then wanted a girl who now isn’t living up to her standards. I’m still convinced I’m a Halloween night condom break. In life, some women are going to blow it and some of them are going to wish they had. In my opinion, wishing is for the birds.

  4. laura
    February 21, 2012 | 1:52 pm

    I need this book. Because? Life Love and Sex. I’ve got to know how all this works for someone else because my Life is what brought me to my Love, which resulted in my now preschooler and twins. Or, lots of grey hairs and very little sanity left. See? SHOW ME THE FUNNY! (my sanity depends on it)

  5. Tim@sogeshirts
    February 21, 2012 | 2:20 pm

    Tell Sarah never to add anybody random on google plus or that homeland security will come to their house. Also Brad Wollack looks like Mort Goldman from Family Guy. Google Image it. It’s true.

  6. Melissa Badour
    February 21, 2012 | 2:37 pm

    My husband wants me to read this book in hopes that it will actually make me want to…er…”Blow It”. I think he might be misunderstanding just a wee bit…You?

  7. Nicole S. (@g0t_bliss)
    February 21, 2012 | 2:41 pm

    Why do I need this book? Let me count the ways! Hmm…well I am a mother of 3..10 year old boy/girl twins and a 9 year old. Between girl scouts, football practice, homework & working part time I have NO sex life! I need something to cheer me up and get me excited! I was a good kid growing up, then when I was 24 I started screwing up…my mom always says I didn’t start doing fucked up shit til AFTER I left home, so I am blowing at life as she knows it hahaha. Pick me, pick me I need a good pick me up! :)

  8. Carri
    February 21, 2012 | 4:55 pm

    I really want this book, but here’s the thing: Money is tighter than Bruce Jenner’s face right now, which means I’d have to dip into my Happy Hour fund. Not going to happen. Which then means I would be forced to sell my body on the streets of the valley in order to save up for the book. DO IT FOR MY BODY, SARAH.

  9. Mara
    February 21, 2012 | 6:52 pm

    I want the autographed book because I don’t want her autographing my Kindle.

  10. TheNextMartha
    February 21, 2012 | 7:44 pm

    Let’s be honest. This book will be the closest I get to blowing anything.

  11. TheNextMartha
    February 21, 2012 | 7:46 pm

    She can already spread her legs farther than I can. That’s worth a read.

  12. TheNextMartha
    February 21, 2012 | 7:49 pm

    Are there any pop ups in this book?

  13. TheNextMartha
    February 21, 2012 | 7:50 pm

    Whatever. I already have my own little person assistant. Blowy.

  14. GingerF
    February 21, 2012 | 10:53 pm

    I’m hoping the book is funnier than the title, “Life As I Blow It”…c’mon it’s not a very good pun, Sarah. <3

  15. moooooog35
    February 22, 2012 | 4:06 am

    I need this book because it would fit perfectly in my alphabetized library right between a pretty old box of Cocoa Puffs and “Colonoscopies – Real Science or just Insurance Funded Anal?” Awfuck – just realized I’m mixing authors and titles in my alphabetizing and will probably have to redo the whole thing. Fuck it, it’s only these 2 things in my library anyway.

  16. Paige Kelly
    February 22, 2012 | 5:40 am

    Potty training is not fun, but it could be funny. I would definitely use this as a potty training tool. I can be entertained, and Sarah can teach my child how to correctly sit on the toilet.

  17. Nicole
    February 22, 2012 | 5:42 am

    I do not need to enter this stupid contest I preordered the book on amazon and already signed it for sarah myself. Nothing beats an unauthorized autograph first edition paperback harder than an oxymoron.

    • Laura
      February 22, 2012 | 6:03 am

      Oxymoron, now that is funny smart humour these retards won’t get it.

  18. Boobies
    February 22, 2012 | 6:30 am

    Okay Sarah & S.W. Here’s why yours truly deserves to win this book.

    Let’s put aside the fact that I’m smarter than my competition. (No offense, ladies!)I did think ahead to make my husband sign a breast implant prenup before agreeing to nurse his spawn for almost a year. Hence my 10 thousand dollar titties. (Which, by the way should make me a winner by default!)

    Sympathy factor:

    In the past week alone, I have:

    -Had my son’s school call me because he can’t control his bodily functions in class.
    -Contemplated shanking school children for calling my daughter names. (And I put WAY too much thought into that.)
    -Bounced my checkbook TWICE, and managed to keep my husband from finding out.
    -I made the genius decision to co-sleep with my baby and have spent the week ‘transitioning’ him to his own room. Bonus points because said baby, is actually five years old.

    I’m on the edge…and I’m not talking about glory, Gaga fans.

    If I don’t get comic relief soon, I’ll go down in history for being the first chick to take out an entire town. Do you really want that kind of blood on your hands?

  19. Kelly @ Dare to be Domestic
    February 22, 2012 | 6:30 am

    wow… there is a lot of stiff competition over this book… I hope I don’t blow it. But if I did blow it, it totally wouldn’t suck, well it would, but in a good way. You get what I’m saying? Bottom line Sarah and this book are worth me getting on my knees to please not only her, but also SW! That bitch is hard as hell to please, expecting a chick to be all chivalrous n’ shit.

    I just realized this entire comment sounded like I wanted to give these ladies oral… I totally meant begging, NOT oral… unless you ladies are into that?

    Sarah I love you, but I don’t think I could even do that so here’s my last, semi funny plea… girl… you moved away from the south… I’m still here and not by birth… I’m a Yankee, livin’ in this Southern world, you know how bad I need quality entertainment, other than the people watching at the local Piggly Wiggly!

  20. Paula
    February 22, 2012 | 6:35 am

    I probably can’t win this book. I am just not funny enough, only funny looking.

  21. Jennifer Brummett
    February 22, 2012 | 7:07 am

    Oddly enough ‘Life As I Blow It’ was my nickname in college. Who better to win your book than someone whose seen it and blown it? Either and all blow applies to this blonde southern belle (not so much belle – more like educated open minded red neck – but whose keep score). This is the same girl who was once called Robin after one of her blowee’s (is that a word) was leaving after act was preformed (circa 1999). Whoopsie. Not even close. But I was that Baptist girl you write about — fairly naive and wholesome just with a filthy mind and potty mouth. But I’m not one of those who has ever been down with getting it on in the “brown-chicken-brown-cow”. If you get my drift – I did however wait a long time to give my flower away. I’m the same girl who asked her mother (in the presence of my sister who is six years my senior and my dad), “What’s 69?” Yep. I asked it. I was like thirteen. No topic has EVER been off limits. Not much makes this jaw drop — well except what we’ve already established above. You see, you already like me. Alright enough about you let’s talk about me some more. I’d love to win a signed copy of your book. Did I mention I’ve got a girl crush on you? It’s innocent. I’m 100% straight — at least from the waist down. But regardless if you pick me or not — I’m coming to see you Saturday night. So – be on the lookout for me.

  22. Maegan E (@OhYeah_Her)
    February 22, 2012 | 2:05 pm

    Sarah. Here’s the thing. I don’t have cable. I haven’t for over a year – so while I know I can ‘watch it online’ and all that shit, I have really no fucking clue what you are all about, let alone what YOU would think is funny. Case in Point: I went to Shawn Pelofsky’s BathHouse Show last month (Jan) in LA. K. I was the one right under the camera in the back getting pie eyed on $5 cosmos, and my BFF Rachel was my guest for her B’day. The show was effing hilarious. Even though that bastard MeSoRandy was in the front row with posters like a total star-effing geek, I had an amazing time. At one point, I went down below to relieve myself and I had to wait for the potty. There were 2 ladies standing there with cock(tails) talking while I waited in a slightly intoxicated, oxygen deprived stupor. Well, turns out one of those Bitches was YOU! And while SurferWife was tweeting me to climb inside Randy’s keister to go backstage with him to meet you, I didn’t. Why? B/c I felt like an idiot for not knowing you on sight (I blame this on the lack of cable) and also b/c I needed to get my drink on. See, I have great priorities – I need this book!

  23. Ali
    February 22, 2012 | 2:59 pm

    At the risk of completely blowing it, here,
    I am going to make an attempt, anyway.
    Because I need more than a shitty-tasting 12-pack of beer
    And a snoring hubby on the couch at the end of the day.
    The REAL shit hasn’t hit the fans in a while…
    Last time, it only made it about halfway up the walls.
    It’s getting harder and harder to get more than a rile,
    Surrounded by farty parties and boys with sh-weaty balls.
    “Knock knock” “who’s there?” “Chicken nugget!”
    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA. “Why’d the possum cross the road?”
    “Um…why?” “Because knick knock NUGGET!”
    HELP! I’m seriously on kid joke overload!
    Nothing a little adult humor couldn’t take care of,
    And replace with a genuine belly laugh.
    Something to remind me that it’s still fun to love,
    Live with, and SCREW the other half!

    I want to change my daughter’s name to Sassafrass,
    because of her recent rudeness and complete lack of class.
    I think I may have to hire someone to teach my family some ettiquette,
    or a comedian to help me loosen up and learn not to fret it.
    As I sit here writing, I see chalk footprints across my freshly cleaned floors,
    It makes me want to push them back outside and lock all the doors!
    So off I go to scrub some more, and again wash the sinkfuls of dishes.
    Please send me some funny, please make true THIS one my wishes!

  24. Nik D
    February 22, 2012 | 3:43 pm

    Monique, my DEAR cousin, is hanging with the lovely and talented Sarah Colona. I asked on my facebook how this shiz could be possible and all they give me is sketchy facts. So, Sarah, understand that I taught Monique all the shit she knows. She would never admit to this, of course, but it is true. Just ask her who taught her to dance? Yup, it was me at the ripe age of 9 and she was 2 or so. Ask her about singing? Me, me and me to some Pat Benetar and we are talking before karaoke. Ask her how she knows what is funny and fashionable and again…me. Can you see a pattern here ladies? I deserve this book because if it was not for moi, she would not have met Brody Steven Brody who I went to school with. Hell, I may have even told her about YOU! And the Chelsea Handler show and….well, I could go on, but I don’t want to brag about my insane abilities to groom the young and innocent.
    ♥ Nik

    • Nik D
      February 22, 2012 | 3:53 pm

      Oh and I just thought of a limerick too!

      There once was a girl from Pamplona
      Her name was Sarah Colona
      She hung with Monique all day
      As cookies they ate
      And now I wanna be that book’s owner

    • surferwife
      February 22, 2012 | 4:16 pm

      Nicole. Calm down. While yes, you played a major role in my childhood development which inevitably led to a disatrous early adulthood, you did NOT turn me onto Sarah and Chelsea. Nice try, cuz.

      • Nik D
        February 23, 2012 | 12:03 pm

        I meant Colonna with two n’s!!! Sorry Ms. ColoNNa.

  25. KLZ
    February 22, 2012 | 5:30 pm

    Things I Have Blown Lately:
    -bubbles
    -your mind
    -my chances
    -it

    Things I Have Not Blown Lately:
    -My Husband
    -IT

    • Carri
      February 22, 2012 | 7:10 pm

      Why are you funnier than me? Bitch.

      • Lorynn R.
        February 23, 2012 | 12:21 pm

        WTF? She is funny. I will go sit in the corner and drink some more Pinnacle Vodka… (Cake flavored in case anyone cares..)

    • Galit Breen
      February 22, 2012 | 7:55 pm

      KLZ? You so win.

  26. Tabitha
    February 22, 2012 | 10:34 pm

    You desire to give this book to me because I am a 23 year old virgin and you feel sorry for me. Don’t pity me, I’m only marginally overweight (location, location, location) and I always neatly tuck the (.) inside the “quotations.” Oh and my period starts tomorrow. There’s that. Please let this be the light at the end of my (red) tunnel.

    Sincerely,
    @tabbizzle on twitter
    Ps I totally predicted you would be on the NY Times Bestsellers List and you were. I take full credit for that. You are welcome, girl!

  27. Amanda Austin
    February 23, 2012 | 10:56 am

    Every night I tell my family “Welp, I’m going to take a shower! see ya in a few!” I go into the bathroom and turn on the water and proceed to play on my cell phone for 20 minutes because it’s the only way I can get time to myself.

    This isn’t so much funny as it is a pathetic cry for help — will your book be my new bathroom buddy?

  28. Lorynn R.
    February 23, 2012 | 12:20 pm

    We have a lot in common. I <3 vodka, you <3 vodka. What else is there? I might be too drunk to finish your book, but I promise I won't vomit on it.

  29. Holly
    February 23, 2012 | 2:03 pm

    Amanda Austin…..I do the same frigging thing! Haha! Earlier I hid in my
    son’s closet to check my FB. It’s a new low. I don’t know how to be funny so I can win this shiz. Surferwife, I love me some surfer, too. West coast vs East Coast….Holla! For realz, I’ve loved you since I first saw u dancing at Blogher ’11 barefoot in your denim capris.

  30. Meloey E.
    February 23, 2012 | 2:07 pm

    Life as I blow it:

    Life is like a dick, when it gets hard.. Fuck it. I say fuck it and leave it. It’s not coyote ugly, more like coyote, what the fuck did I do last night? Living in the moment feels good but when you realize what you did you wonder if you were really that stupid or really that drunk? These aren’t my pajamas! Who’s house am I in? Why is Rocky Horror on repeat? The guy on the floor is wearing a dress and the cat has a flask taped to him. There’s empty bottles and people stuck to the floor. I poked one with a spatula and he didn’t move.. I’m pretty sure he’s dead. The front door is wide open and someway somehow there is a goat tied to a tree in the yard. I don’t see my car on the street but there’s some left over pizza on the counter. God what I wouldn’t do for a cheese sandwich right about now. Who’s cigarettes are these? No one answers, they’re mine I guess finders keepers. Where the hell are my socks? Now leave without getting eaten by a goat. Mission accomplished!

    I should win this contest because well you’re my favorite and I can’t get enough! I’m the mother of a beautiful son name Michael.

    • Meloney E.
      February 23, 2012 | 2:12 pm

      It’s Meloney by the way, it’s pronounced like “Bologna.”

      • Phildo
        February 23, 2012 | 3:28 pm

        Yes yes, all too familiar am I with those carpeted mornings when you just know everyone is toe up on the floor and you see the place is trashed and you definitely know there is a connection… but you don’t get to remember that part.

        -”And I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.” – E. A. Poe

      • Phildo
        February 23, 2012 | 3:30 pm

        That was inspirational, to say the least. I knew you could pull off a dialogue like that!

    • SurferWife
      February 23, 2012 | 3:19 pm

      Wow. Just wow. Even if you don’t win, you have won my heart. That was a masterpeice.

      • Meloney E.
        February 23, 2012 | 3:31 pm

        A masterpiece only brought to you by a hot mess influenced by “Rocky Horror Picture Show” wake-up calls and drunken idiots.

  31. [...] follow him to Nazi Germany in an attempt to save him and bring him back to the present safely.Road to GermanyMort Goldman accidentally steps into a time machine and winds up in 1939 Poland in th…land in the middle of the Nazi invasion. Brian and Stewie follow him to Nazi Germany in an attempt [...]

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