Guess what? My brain doesn’t want to work today and refuses to be creative. I mean, this isn’t an enormous shocker. My brain rarely works but I will give it credit for being creative. Or maybe the better word is odd. I can usually count on it to come up with some weird ass shit to write for you.
Not today. Today I had this inner dialogue:
SurferWife: Hey Brain! Come up with a blog post, would ya? The fine folks that read the blog don’t want to be welcomed with my stupid 2012 resolutions anymore.
SurferWife Brain: Fuck off.
SurferWife: Hey. Calm down. Just come up with something stupid that will make people hang their heads in embarrassment about coming over to look at SurferWife dot Com.
SurferWife Brain: Fuck you.
Look, if you know my brain as well as I think you do, you know not to piss it off. If you force the brain to wake up from vacation, it will be ugly. Think Mel Gibson voicemails kind of ugly. So, I turned to the handy dandy folk of Twitter to give me a blog topic. Per usual, they prevailed as the wittier, more creative people and provided me with a slew of shit to write about. Thank you Mel, A Dramatic Mommy, you rock my face off.
But today, it was Melissa of Miet et Lait that saved my sad, blogging ass. She gave me this gem of a topic:
Blog this: world will end in 2012 unless a ‘famous for being famous’ person is sacrifed to a volcano. Who dies & why?
You know me. I thrive on this kind of crap. Trashy, uneducated people on television? Sign me the hell up.
Immediately, I had visions of dead behind the eyes Kardashians, coked up Lohans, and chihuahua toting Hiltons. The usual suspects. But that’s just too predictable and I don’t like predictable.
So, then I mentally kicked Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag in the balls, poked Scott Disick in the taint and popped the boobs of all Real Housewives everywhere.
It just wasn’t enough.
Until the biggest, most annoying, arrogant, self absorbed bastard came floating across my sleeping brain. And voila! The crusty, old, f-bomb throwing brain woke up and cheered to present to you, my ever faithful readers: the ‘famous for being famous’ person I want to sacrifice in a volcano this year:
Eww. Just Eww.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I LOVE The Jersey Shore. LOVE with all of my heart. Jersday is the best night of the week when it’s on. Let me tell you, if I could bowl Snooki into pins made of chocolate covered marshmallow bunnies, I’d be the happiest girl alive. If I could run away with Pauly D, The Surfer would totally understand and wish me well. If Sammi Sweetheart would flat iron my hair, Dina would teach me to how to live with myself while flashing my kooka around town and Vinny, Ronnie and JWoww would teach me how to dance properly, my life would be complete.
You get it. I love my Jersey Shore. But I loathe The Situation. I’m pretty sure if you know who he is, you understand why I loathe him and I don’t need to list his inadequecies again. He needs to be taken out back, Old Yeller style. And if you don’t agree with me? Then just know I am secretly judging you.
So, there you have it. When I need to save the world by tossing a poser in a volcano? Mike The Situation Sorrentino, even your abs wont be able to save you this time. Oh, and for shits and giggles, let’s admire this family photo, shall we?
A Gaggle of Dipshits
Ok, well I’m firstly really disappointed that you didn’t blog about my fat ass eating some snack mix with toffee and cinnamon toast crunch, I mean what kind of evil genius comes up with that? Guess I’ll have to blog about it my own damn self. But I have to say, I agree wholeheartedly with this choice as he is not only annoyingly famous for being famous, but also a complete douchebag. No thanks. Please die. Love, me.
And he’s not hot. He like to think he is, but he’s just… gross.
Omg! Love it! Absolutely brilllllliant!
Thanks for your brilliant prompt.
I don’t love the Jersey Shore. Wasn’t much a fan when I visited either. If there’s one state that gives credibility to the stereotypes it’s that place. I lived in Jersey and some of my closest friends are from there, but still. I’d gladly sacrifice any one to the volcano.
Wow! You are totally inside my brain….I’ve had the same thoughts….it great to feel deranged and know that I have company.
Girl, you are in good company.
Ohhhhhh, the Situation is a rare breed. I totally understand everything you’re saying about him (his sheer ridiculousness alone is astounding), but . . . I have to confess I’d be sad if he were kicked off JS. Cause he’s so . . . entertaining. In his absurdity. Somehow.
He does add entertainment. In that I want to stab my eyeballs out sort of way.
bwhaha -I have no words…are words really necessary? Nope, I think you about covered it!
Hee! A gaggle of genius!
I haven’t decided if I am lame or a genius for never watching the Jersey Shore. My brain rotting TV is the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – there are some fine looking clothes on that program.
I can’t wait to see the Situation in pictures a few years from now, gut hanging out.
He’s totally gonna be fat.
Yes on The Situation. But mostly? YES on Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag.
Group volcano blast!
Popping breasts off the real housewives.
Stop it. Right there.
The Situation indeed needs to be put to bed. Death row style.
I will not stop it. I will never stop it.
I can’t think of a more perfect choice!!! He’s SUCH a chode! Seriously I hate me some Paris Hilton but the situation takes the cake and that last picture made me RMFAO! Where did you find that? I can’t believe that would just be something google let you find – you got skills sister!
It was right there, smack in my face while searching the interwebs.
I loathe Jersey Shore, yet find myself sucked down the rabbit hole whenever it’s on. And he? is ewwwww.
But can you pop a few RH boobs and lips first? Pretty please?
Gaggle of Dipshits…I’m totally stealing that from you!
Those are some massive man boobs in that family picture. He will suffice for a sacrifice.
Sad when their turtlenecks are tighter than their sister’s.
That picture is just freaking awesome. Really. Awesome.
Now. I want all of the Kardashians tossed. Is that doable?
[...] how I’m going to start tossing annoying people on TV in a volcano? I have [...]
A gaggle of dipshits. LOVE.
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